Breaking up the Fog

 Everyone knows Mark Mason, right? 

He's got a couple of famous books, which I've never ended up reading. They would be lying somewhere accumulating dust and cobwebs. 

Well, Mark Mason also has a Youtube channel. He's put out a few videos on relationships and love. I watched two, which gave me the shivers.

 Mark, said that its easier to fall in and out of love several times, but if one's self-respect, self-esteem and dignity is compromised in the process, its very difficult to get it back. 

The above words could be heavy. I could be accused of "overthinking" and being too speculative or even exaggerating. 

Well, let's break it down. It's not necessary for your self-esteem to see a steep decline. Love, could also dilute your identity of self. Love could steer you coasts away from who you used to be and leave behind an angry, embittered shell of your former self.

Since I went to university, love hit me like a thunderbolt, or if not love, then at least something very close to it. Love proceeded to catapult my other relationships on a steep decline. Love made so comfortable, that  it made me develop a fixed mindset. University years, packaged as the the "best years" and years of the self-discovery and growth are now in my memory, the years which I do not want to remember. 

I am 25 and I feel like a shell of my former self. Of course, my former self also had a lot of problems. But one thing, it did very well was to stay focussed and productive, which are very rare qualities in today's hyper-consumerist digital world.

I hope Mark Mason is not fully right. I still am a hopeless optimist. 

I would like to be my self, again, as soon as possible. 

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